Remember

by Caleb Esquilin
(Amityville, NY, US)

I can't remember the last time I remembered to remember the thing I often forget.
I can't remember the last time I recaptured a story from my past and didn’t combine 1 story with 3 other from my own past and the past of someone else.

It's the butterfly effect...
But I can’t remember which came first.
The butterfly?
NO!
The caterpillar!
Or was it the cocoon?
I just don’t remember….

I can't remember the last time I was asked a question and answered it without first losing my point on a ramble, just to find it again 5 minutes later….

As a child, I often got into arguments.
I know what you said!
You said to be here on Tuesday at 3pm!
But they asked me what I wanted for dinner….

I just can't remember the last time I remembered to remember the thing that I often forget….
Sometimes I forget how to spell my own name. Looking down at the page and the spelling just doesn’t seem right.

Waking up, looking in the mirror and forgetting what I looked like. So I touch the mirror to know it’s there.
To know that the person I don’t remember is staring at me as if they know me.
But I do finally remember, that I can’t remember.
Strange.

It took years of being told, that my memories of old are new to those who know the true stories.
Much denial in the realization that the good memories along with the bad are long gone and buried.

Archeologists would never dig up my past because my documents are flawed. My history is lived but told in a way that’s unwritten.
And written in a way that was never told.
I just can't remember..

I can't remember the last time I remember to remember the thing that I often most forget….my past.
But at last. I remember
I remember that I can’t remember
So I try to remember to remember to document.
But remember, I have a horrible habit of losing things…

And this book is my memory.
Now I have to remind myself to remember where I put it.
Then remind myself to look for it and try to backtrack my memory because I knew I would lose it but forgot to remind myself to remember to make a note of where I put it.

I just can't seem to remember to remind myself to remember the thing that I often forget.

Myself ….